Quiz: Are You in a Sex-Starved Marriage?
In our hectic lifestyles we often put off the things we should do, to do the things we have to do. Don’t fall into that trap. It takes effective communication, genuine effort and lots of time to save your marriage. Make the time to reconnect with your spouse. Look for ways to initiate change in how you and your spouse interact.
If it seems that you and your spouse are “strictly business” these days, try this simple quiz adapted from ABC News together as a way to open up communication about your relationship. Go over your answers together and talk each one through. Listen to each other’s perceptions and verbalized desires and expressions of need. Perhaps answering these questions together will call attention to some marriage issues that need your attention. It may even bring out some very good things going on in your marriage.
1. My spouse and I have sex:
- Once every few days
- Once every 1-2 weeks
- Once a month
2. True or False: When you and your spouse do have sex, it seems hurried or rushed, and foreplay is a rarity.
3. True or False: I find that my spouse and/or I don’t care about how often we have sex. It is not a priority.
4. After my spouse and I fight:
- We stay mad at each other for a little while afterward, but eventually make up.
- We make up so quickly that we forget what we fought about.
- We stay angry at each other for days … sometimes not speaking for quite some time.
5. How would you grade your and your spouse’s casual romantic activity (hugging, holding hands, cuddling) as compared to when your relationship first started?
- A+ – We’re constantly showing affection – every minute we’re together. Wherever, whenever, even in public, we’re always in close physical contact.
- C – We hug and smooch an average amount … but maybe not as much as when we first started dating.
- Our affection level has gone downhill since the beginning. Nowadays, my spouse rarely, if ever, shows me affection … and certainly never in public.
6. Do you and your spouse spend much time together, just the two of you?
- Candlelight dinners, movies, weekend getaways … our friends sometimes complain we spend TOO much time alone together!
- I see my spouse so rarely that sometimes I forget what he/she looks like!
- We live busy lives, but we try to make time for each other as much as we can.
7. True or False: I worry about being rejected by my spouse if I attempt to initiate sexual activity with him/her, or I notice my spouse has a fear of me rejecting him/her.
If you are male, answer question No. 8 and skip question No. 9. If you are female, skip question No. 8 and go straight to question No. 9.
8. For men, answer True or False: My spouse makes me feel special on a daily basis, and I feel physically attractive when we are together. I really feel emotionally connected to my spouse.
9. For women, answer True or False: When I am upset about something, I feel that my spouse is sensitive to my needs. I feel comfortable talking with my spouse when I have a problem.
10. True or False: My spouse and/or I are stressed about work or other issues, or have been feeling depressed lately.
Keep in mind that this quiz is intended to help you communicate more effectively about your sexual relationship. It is not a tool to determine if your marriage is in trouble. If you and your spouse are finding it difficult to discuss this as well as other issues in your marriage, there are several resources available for marriage help. Along with professional marriage counseling, there are marriage seminars and workshops that focus on teaching conversation skills to achieve effective communication in your marriage. If you have marriage issues or you are in a marriage crisis, seek professional help to save your marriage.