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Marriage Help Articles

The Myth of a Perfect Marriage: How to Achieve Loving Marriages without the False Hype

If there is one lesson couples learn early in marriage, it’s that the preconceptions of the white picket fence and flawless relationship don’t accurately detail the realities of marriage. That’s not to say marriage isn’t a wonderful blessing; nor does it mean that marriages have to be miserable ala daytime talk shows. Loving marriages don’t follow an easily recognizable routine, formula or consistency. It takes hard work to figure out how to have loving marriages.

So what are the realities of marriage and how can you prepare and navigate with a bit more confidence?  Here are some of the issues you will likely encounter and how to work past them toward a more positive and rewarding relationship.

Bad Communication

One of the most frequent reasons couples seek out professional marriage help is poor communication. You’ve forgotten how to talk and listen to each other. Some of that may be the result of stress from work or school. Some of it might just result from the challenges of living together and learning personality quirks you didn’t know about before you were married.

Regardless, taking time away from the causes of stress in your life can do wonders. Also, setting clear agendas and ground rules for arguments can help you avoid common pitfalls that arise due to anger and finger pointing. Above all else, find time for each other that doesn’t involve any outside influences and just talk. Leave decisions and problem solving behind and talk about goals and passions instead.

Lack of Passion

The harsh reality of a loveless marriage can hit you between the eyes before you realize that you and your spouse have lost much of the spark you started with. Try setting time aside each week for physical intimacy. Shower your partner with romantic gestures at unexpected times. Make it your mission to talk through what is lacking in your sex life and work together to accommodate and indulge each other.


Restoring love back in marriages that have gone through an affair is quite challenging. Realistically, the cheating spouse feels guilt strong enough that avoiding the problem is far easier than facing the guilt. The victim struggles mightily with feelings of inadequacy, hurt, anger and much more. Professional marriage help in the form of a licensed marital therapist or qualified pastor whom you and your spouse are comfortable with is a viable option. Time is your best friend, as you’ll need plenty of it to tamper down some of the conflicting feelings that make it nearly impossible to communicate.

The only reality of loving marriages is that there is no set guidelines or path that your relationship will follow. Your best bet is to prepare for what you can control, and file the rest under expecting the unexpected. Talk, trust each other, and talk some more. Never be afraid to lovingly communicate and your marriage will flourish.

If you and your spouse are struggling to communicate and to have a loving marriage, or you are suffering because of a cheating spouse, please contact us for information on how we can help.