Disagreement in Marriage: Is it Really Worth the Conflict?
Alright, you fight sometimes. Everyone does. Disagreement is a part of life. When it comes to conflict in marriage, many couples often find themselves frustrated with constant bickering that inevitably leads to a marriage crisis. While some disagreements are necessary steps to reaching an agreement, sometimes we can become so intent on being right that we forget what is worth fighting for and what isn’t.
Do you leave the cap off the toothpaste after you use it? Leave your clothes on the floor ? Move things in the kitchen cabinets? Or maybe you continually forget to lock the back gate. Marriage problems are complex, but these things are not. If you and your spouse find yourselves fighting over small daily household matters, it’s time to evaluate how important they are and why you are so upset over seemingly unimportant inconveniences.
In the middle of a bickering session, stop and take a moment. Ask yourself why you are upset, and then ask your spouse to answer the same question. Resolving marriage conflict takes work, and that means uncovering what makes you clash. It is difficult to remove yourself from the heat of the moment, so it might help to agree upon a little reminder, like maybe a little hand signal to take a “time out.” That way you and your spouse can know when it’s time to step back and take a look at what’s happening, and why. Consider having a conversation with your spouse about little annoyances you have with each other, and then make a deal to resolve at least one or two of them. Taking the effort to change a single behavior can go a long way toward avoiding unnecessary arguments. It can also provide little successes upon which you can build your mutual confidence that you can get through bigger marriage issues with effort.
Naturally, saving a marriage is not as simple as signaling timeout. If you and your spouse find yourselves overwhelmed by the complexities of trying to resolve marriage issues, take the initiative to seek marriage help. There are many resources available, including marriage seminars and workshops that teach communication skills and provide tools to help you deal with your marriage conflict.