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Marriage Help Articles

The Dangers of Marriage Separation

Many couples in the midst of a marriage crisis think that marriage separation is the only way of calming things down and relieving the tension.  Understandably, after ongoing conflicts with each other over the same issues and behaviors, it seems natural that one or both spouses pull away from the other.  While this time apart may give some temporary relief and peace, there is a definite danger in handling marital problems in this way.

In many situations, the peace they sought can become more important than working through the conflicts to save a marriage.  Many couples just wait around for the negative environment of the marriage to change through the separation.  While things may be less volatile, nothing has really changed.  It’s more of a temporary holding pattern.  It is not until both spouses take responsibility for their own behaviors and issues that change will really occur.

When the issues and behaviors behind the ongoing conflicts are addressed and dealt with, the peace that results is one based on two people who are changing themselves and the environment of the marriage.  This willingness to change gives new hope for the future of the relationship.  The tendency to place blame on the other spouse for their marital problems ends when both spouses understand and embrace the idea that as each one makes changes for the better, they also change the environment of the marriage. Instead of reacting to negative situations, each spouse has the opportunity to make better behavior choices. The resulting positive behavior changes further encourage constructive communication and create a positive environment for healing and growth in the marriage.

If you and your spouse are already separated, you can still work through your marriage crisis by taking ownership of your attitudes and behaviors.  Many times this change can serve as the inspiration for your spouse to do the same things.  A marriage separation doesn’t have to mean divorce. If you and your spouse keep the lines of communication open, you can clear the path to healing your relationship and mending the marriage.

If you are unsure how to proceed in your effort to reconcile with your spouse, consult a marriage professional.  There are many times that an outside source can shed light on issues that the couple is too emotionally invested in to identify.  There are marriage workshops and marriage seminars that deal with resolving conflict and behavior issues. These have the potential to give you the knowledge and tools you need to save your marriage from divorce.