Save Your Marriage - Don’t Separate
Many times separation doesn’t help a troubled marriage.
Why? Spouses experience a sense of relief from the pressure of each other’s hurtful behavior. This sense of peace distracts the couple from working on the real issues in their marriage. You may feel it’s easier to stay away from conflicts rather than learn healthy ways to work through them. Generally, a couple needs to stick it out and fight for their marriage rather than fight against each other or retreat.
Separation may move a couple toward a divorce.
Many couples report that during their separation friends and family became powerful forces pulling them apart even more. Well-meaning loved ones may urge divorce rather than reconciliation. A couple may want to work toward reconciliation, yet those around them won’t let them. When this happens, even hopeful cases can be turned toward divorce. A professional approach is needed to help the couple during this confusing and hurtful time. Help, reconciliation, and healing are possible for couples who want it and work for it.
When does separation not make sense?
Unhealthy reasons for separating are destructive for marriage. Some unhealthy reasons are:
- Poor view. “Big deal! It’s just a piece of paper!†is basement thinking when it comes to marital commitment. Vows were made and received before the most important and significant people in your life. Can you be trusted to keep your word in the most basic human institution? Being credible pays off.
- Just tired. The marital relationship isn’t like a sound bite from a computer or movie. Marriage can be boring and disappointing at times. Married life isn’t a hologram of continual highs. There’re good things to appreciate about your spouse, even with the ups and downs. With the right help, both of you can meet each other’s important emotional needs and create a great marriage for yourselves.
- Don’t care. When you neglect to take care of your spouse and your relationship, your marriage sours. If yours is souring, what are you actually DOING about it? Not what are you griping, crying, nagging, or yelling about? Rather, what appropriate professional help are you getting to address and resolve hurtful issues in your marriage? Don’t let your marriage fail on your watch—do something about it.
Separated or just thinking about it? We can help.
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